Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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