I want to make a zoo with you.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
