I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
