mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
