the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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