its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
