What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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