my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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