I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
