I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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