Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize