haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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