friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize