I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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