i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
