I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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