All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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