U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
