please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize