Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
