nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
