okay pat passed out under dana's car
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
