Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize