The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
i've created a new STD.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
