i just made my gag reflex go away.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
