Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
