at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
What drink are we having for lunch?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
