He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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