so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
