My room smells like vodka and shame
This is not my ceiling
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
