At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I met the friendliest cop last night
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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