i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
