in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You ate ashes out of my bong
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
