I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
