Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I think i got beer on your cat.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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