hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
