dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
