Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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