3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
