Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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