she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
