Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
