Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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