woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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