What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
