After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
