I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
