I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I smell stomach acid.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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