it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I party with great urgency now.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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