Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
