its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
