Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
