I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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