If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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