WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I lost the right to judge tonight
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
