My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
3pm strippers are depressing
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
