Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
