I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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