I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
