I think i sorta joined a cult last night
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
