but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
