I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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