I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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