Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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