I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
