I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize