I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
