We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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