I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
