Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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