He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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