"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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