Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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